FilmVomit

I expected bad. I went in expecting the thing to be utter shit. I went in expecting the thing to make me shout at the screen, even. But I didn’t expect THIS bad. I kept wanting someone, maybe Indy himself, to look at the camera and say ‘I cannot believe you are watching this shit’. Unfortunately, instead, all I got was a bunch of poorly CGI’ed monkeys, some anthropomorphized prairie dogs, Shia the beef dressed up as Marlon Brando without the talent, swagger, or soul; and a reasonably good nap. John Hurt was, as always, emminently watchable; and Karen Allen has aged well. Harrison Ford, however, was airbrushed so much that every shot of his face is overexposed and his presence makes the lighting inconsistent from shot to countershot. And Cate Blanchett is the least believable Soviet ever, which is dismaying considering how lovely she is and my fetish for all things Russky.

I just don’t know what to think. It’s hardly even worth getting mad about, it’s so awful.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Steaming Bullshit